PERCEPTION IMPACTS COMMUNICATION
& RELATIONSHIPS
 Prepared by: Rita
Straub, M.S.,C.F.C.S.
Family Living Agent, University of Wisconsin Extension-Cooperative
Extension
"Most of our failures
in understanding one another have less to do with what is said
and what is heard than with what is intended and what is inferred." A quote by George A. Miller, Psychologist says a lot about the
real issues related to communication in the family, workplace,
school or normal life situation.
Perception, stereotyping
and self-fulfilling prophesies are all powerful forces that affect
communication and human relationships in different ways. Usually
these things affect relationships in negative ways. The capacity
to communicate, problem solve, make decisions, and manage stress
are affected by an individual's perceptions.
Communication can be
the key to resolve conflict in parent child relationships but
perceptions need to be recognized before trying to move forward.
To begin, identify what each expects to gain from the communication
effort. Parents communicate expectations in several ways; their
tone of voice, facial expressions, body posture and touch. Children
also communicate more by their body language than by their verbal
message so it is important to observe and listen carefully to
each other in a brief "face to face" discussion.
Studies indicate that
a child usually lives up to the expectations of the parents. These
expectations influence the child's self esteem. Anything we believe
about ourselves or someone else affects our behavior.
Our interpretation of
another's behavior is based on our values, beliefs, and experiences.
It is good to give the listener an opportunity to respond to our
message by asking some simple questions to clarify what is said
and what is heard. Examples of some these questions could be;
do you mean? Are you feeling? Are you saying? These questions
provide a reality check to the individual speaking and to the
listener. It takes time and patience to allow feed back from the
listener but is worth the time spent to improve communication.
The perception or definition of a problem affect and may determine
the options, outcomes or solutions in the end.
Some perceptions that
can influence communication between parent and child are: my parents
don't care, all my friends are doing it, what I think does not
matter, it won't happen to me, it's not worth trying, I don't
believe it anymore, you don't understand or you do it so why should
I do it. Parents need to be aware of these perceptions to allow
for open communication. Asking a child about their feelings and
ideas is helpful and needs to be on going because the child is
continually growing and maturing.
Some strategies for
parents and children are to learn more about each other to get
rid of perceptions. Make a list of things you know about your
child. Begin with their favorite activity, food, color, music,
and sport. Than make a list of things you would like to know about
your child with some of the more difficult questions, what is
your most difficult class, what is something they fear, dislike
doing, or would like to change in their life. Find an appropriate
time to talk to your child about the favorite and than when both
are comfortable you may want to ask the more difficult questions.
As a parent share your favorite things also.
Getting to know someone
better helps to get rid of perceptions that are not true about
your child, yourself, and your role as a parent. The behavior
of parents is about twice as powerful as a spoken message when
trying to teach a child of any age. We all have heard the statement,
"do as I say, not as I do." In reality the child is far more likely
to "do as you do" anyway regardless of the verbal message.
For more information
on this topic or other family living topics contact me at 715-261-1242
or e-mail me rita.straub@ces.uwex.edu
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