Separation Distress

Toddlers

What We Saw: One toddler arrived late. He looked a little unsure and hesitated walking into the class. The teacher stopped what she was doing and walked over to the child and his mother. She called him by his name and said, "Hi, I'm happy to see you." Then she bent down to give him a big hug. She explained that the other teacher was not here today but that she is here, and is happy to see him. He looked at his mom first, then proceeded to hug his teacher. The mom began to walk out the door and the teacher added, "Look, your mom is leaving now, say Bye-Bye." The child turned to his mother, waved his hand and responded, "Bye." The teacher continued, "You can go pick out a book." He immediately went to the bookshelf and chose a story.

What It Means: Any change in a child's environment, including the absence of a favorite teacher, can cause anxiety and separation distress in a child. This teacher very skillfully eased this boy's transition. First, she warmly received him (by name, at his level, with nurturing touch) while his mother was still there, which helps any child to accept and trust a new adult. Second, she provided structure to the entire situation, giving him time to check his mother's response, directing him to say bye-bye, and then finding something interesting for him to do right away. Most early childhood professionals believe it helps a child to say goodbye as his/her parent leaves, and to reassure the child that the parent will return.

Preschoolers

What We Saw: A child that is fairly new to the classroom arrives at the door. She is grabbing onto her dad's leg and does not want to take off her coat. The teacher walks over to the child and holds out her hands. The child goes to the teacher, but begins to cry. The teacher hugs her and says, "I know that you are sad but dad has to leave, and he will be back to pick you up later." The teacher waves goodbye to the child's father, and encourages the child to do the same. The teacher then brings her over to the other children, but keeps the child on her lap. They look out of the window and watch as the father drives away.

What It Means: It takes time for a child to establish trust with a new teacher and a new environment, so it is completely normal for a preschooler to experience Separation Anxiety. Talking with the child about exactly what will happen in school and being honest with her will decrease the pain of the separation. Telling the child that her parents will be right back, or encouraging the parent to sneak out will lesson the trust that is developing between the two of you. Let the child know that preschool is a special place for children and teachers, and emphasize that Mommy/Daddy always comes back. It is important to acknowledge that she feels sad, scared, angry, and that it's OK to feel that way. For some children, separation is easier when the parent comes into the classroom for a few minutes. In other cases, this would be a disaster and it's best to say the good-byes at the classroom door. Children are individuals so teachers and preschool programs need to be responsive to these individual differences. When teachers are sensitive to the individual needs and feelings of the child, the tears that may accompany the first few days of preschool shouldn't last too long.

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