University of Wisconsin - Extension

A group of recent books, including Judith Wallerstein's controversial "The Unexpected Legacy of Divorce," seem to emphasize that the effects of divorce on children may be longer-lasting and more negative than many parents think.

More than a third of American children experience their parents' divorce before reaching 18, and divorce occurs during the preschool years for most children who experience divorce.

But a University of Wisconsin-Extension child development specialist says that the way parents interact with each other ? both before and after the divorce ? has a greater impact on children than the actual divorce experience.

"While children from divorced families, on average, fair worse than children from married families, these effects appear small, and many of the differences are more strongly related to pre- existing differences in the families," says Dave Riley, also a professor at UW-Madison.

"If you begin researching children after their parents' divorce, as Wallerstein did, you can't separate the effects of the divorce from the effects of a conflict-laden marriage. We have other research that begins following children before any divorce and follows them through several years after the divorce."

Riley says this research verifies that the divorce itself is harmful, but it also shows that the marital conflict preceding the divorce has a much larger effect on children than does the divorce itself.

"What matters most is not the family type ? whether the child has one or two parents in the household? but the quality of the parent-child relationship regardless of family type," Riley says.

He says children fair better after divorce when:

They have fewer pre-existing problems to begin with, such as difficulties in school, depression or anxiety, and behavioral challenges.

Their parents continue to provide consistent parenting in which they monitor their children and provide discipline and nurturance, rather than the common trend toward permissive or disengaged parenting after divorce.

Their parents maintain an effective, problem-solving approach to co-parenting, in which they hide their conflicts from the children and avoid putting children in the middle of their disagreements.

Riley says parents themselves tend to provide better parenting when they:

• Experience less depression.

• Are not cut off from social support, including networks of family and friends.

• Do not experience severe economic hardship, which could be caused by a divorce.

• Have few, rather than many children.

• Avoid under-cutting each other as co-parents, and maintain a business-like relationship.

"The overall picture of children following divorce is that they are generally resilient," Riley says. "They experience considerable emotional stress, but most appear to cope effectively so that distress does not often lead to long-term problems."