University of Wisconsin - Extension

A new school year can be an exciting time for children and their families. But for many parents, it can also be a time of uncertainty.

Many 10- to 12-year-olds don¿t want to go to a babysitter or child care program after school. Yet, parents may not be comfortable with the idea of children this age staying home by themselves after school.

¿It¿s developmentally normal for children to express increased independence and an interest in caring for themselves when they are around 10 or 12,¿ says Dave Riley, University of Wisconsin-Extension child development specialist and a professor at UW-Madison.

¿The key is to prepare the child, set up a situation that is safe, and effectively provide adult monitoring to children from a distance.¿

Riley says research studies show that children whose families monitor them effectively from a distance when the children are home alone are better able to resist peer pressure to engage in risky activities such as underage drinking, drug use, and early sexual activity.

Monitoring includes knowing who your children¿s friends are, where and how they spend their time, and what their plans are when they aren¿t with you.

For parents trying to weigh whether their children are ready for self-care, Riley says there are many skills children should have when staying alone. Does your child know how to let himself in the house and prepare a simple snack? Does she know how to answer the door when alone? How would your child get out of the house if there was a fire? Who would he call or go to in the neighborhood if a situation arose that he didn¿t know how to handle?

Rather than providing a set of restrictions that children should not do, Riley suggests that families teach their children how to do things correctly when the kids are home alone. Some strategies Riley has for parents teaching their children how to safely care for themselves include:

• Start small. Begin with a level your child can handle, such as 15 minutes to half an hour. Then, when both the parent and child are comfortable with that amount, expand it to 30 minutes, then an hour. Most of us learn best when we can slowly expand existing abilities.
• Establish rules with reasons behind them. Children need to know the rules before they can care for themselves, but they also need to know why a rule is important. Ask your child why she thinks you have a specific rule. Explain the safety precaution behind a rule. If your child knows you don¿t want her playing behind the garage because there is broken glass there, she is more likely to remember the rule and follow it.
• Allow time for your child to practice acting out potential situations. Pretend there is a fire and let your child show you how he would get out of the house. Have her practice using the microwave to make simple snacks.
• Set up a trial period. Providing a temporary arrangement lets your child know he has a choice not to continue if he is uncomfortable staying home alone. It also allows parents to more easily end the arrangement if they feel the child isn¿t ready for the situation.

¿It¿s a great idea to talk frequently with your children about their feelings surrounding self-care,¿ Riley says. ¿Being mentally and emotionally prepared for self-care increases the chances it can be successful. Kids who have been taught the skills and who have been allowed to practice dealing with new responsibilities are more likely to feel more comfortable with and be more prepared for self-care.¿

The UW-Extension publication series, ¿Family Keys: Self-Care Resources for Children and Their Families,¿ (NCR 597) is designed to help parents prepare their children for self-care. It can be ordered from any http://www1.uwex.edu/ces/cty">county UW-Extension office.