University of Wisconsin - Extension

MADISON, Wis.-As the holidays approach, many of us go in search of a gift for someone special. Gift giving is growing more complicated as family members spend less time together and often live far apart. Not spending time together as a family can have a profound impact on all facets of our family lives, not just gift giving, says Mary Brintnall-Peterson, University of Wisconsin-Extension program specialist in aging.

"Not spending time together as families makes it more difficult for family members to get to know each other well," Brintnall-Peterson says, "particularly between the young and old. Young people are in need of guidance and nurturing and will not turn to family members if they do not know them well. The prospect of 'going it alone' is difficult for older adults as well; and they may experience social isolation. Social isolation is often associated with physical and psychological stress and decline."

So what does social isolation and providing guidance and nurturing have to do with gift giving? The answer is by giving of yourself or thinking of ways to spend time together both generations are become more knowledgeable about the other. Holiday gift giving can be an opportunity for older adults to give children and grandchildren an appreciation of family history and the traditions of the holiday, says Brintnall-Peterson. Giving gifts can help bring people together around common interests, strengthen relationships within the family and reaffirm family and cultural values.

There are many ways to reconnect the generations in your family through gift giving. One approach is to think of activities that people-no matter what their age-have in common, such as eating, talking, singing, dancing, and making crafts.

Consider what kinds of gifts will lead to quality time spent between older and younger family members or friends. If we view giving a gift as an opportunity to enter into the particular experiences of a loved one's life, the quest for the perfect gift becomes a search for ways to share time and build relationships. The gift is seen less as a product and more as a means to bring people together across geographical and generational distances.

Brintnall-Peterson offers the following gift ideas that older adults and young people can give each other, as well as gifts they can create together for others.

Gifts from Old to Young:

-- a family recipe with ingredients and a time to make it together

-- an heirloom (as a reflection of shared family heritage).

-- a quilt made with material or a design that has family significance.

-- a hobby that can be handed down.

-- ingredients for a joint baking or cooking session.

-- a model (at a level of difficulty which will stretch the child's problem solving abilities).

-- an incomplete sewing, knitting or crocheting project. The parties will depend upon each other to complete segments of the project.

-- seeds for a garden to work in together. Become "plant buddies."

-- a puzzle you can do together.

-- a family photo album.

--a learning experience that both can attend together such as Grandparents University

--certificate to do something together that will expose the younger generations to something they have not experienced before (going to the zoo or museum.

--certificate to do something fun together such as shopping, or some other activity both generations like to do.

Gifts from Young to Old:

-- a package of supplies to make a book about family history. This might include newspaper clippings, photos and stories that can be written together.

-- an oral history or biographical booklet drawn from an interview conducted with the adult.

-- a computer game. This is ideal for the computer-shy adult, but make sure to be around to help with the installation and review of the instructions.

--certificate that invites the older generation to a special event or activity

Gifts to Create and Give Together:

-- conduct a presentation, sing a song, or play instruments together at a nursing home, a children's ward at a hospital, or as part of a community event.

-- cook and deliver a meal to a soup kitchen or homeless shelter.

-- join a community service project. You might help rebuild a park, deliver meals to the homebound, or paint over graffiti.

"Don't let gift-giving become an empty ritual or an inconvenience that reminds us of how busy we are," Brintnall-Peterson advises. "It can be a wonderful, meaningful and enriching process for both parties."

"The essence of a great gift is that it helps us locate the 'we,' not the 'me.' Families can use this gift-giving season as a time to journey beyond our private worlds to feel-and be-closer to loved ones."